Growing Up…

Sunday. The day of rest. 

Now, for us not overly religious types over the years this meaning changes – 

When your a child this roughly translates to –  a lay-in, homework, roast dinner, an afternoon family film and a bath and hair-wash before bed…

When you hit 18 – Sunday’s are made for hangovers, lounging on the sofa with a KFC bargain bucket (and gravy!!) Watching the Hollyoaks Omnibus and De-Briefing with your gal pals from the previous weekends events and gossip…

When you start a family of your own you find (as I have) that you become your Mother on Sunday… you spend the day doing housework, making sure the washing basket is empty, looking for a pair of matching black socks or a pair of un-laddered clean tights to go with school uniform- pestering your children about pre-mentioned uniform- 

“If I don’t get that uniform NOW Lou, you’ll be wearing it to school next week dirty! – I’m not waiting around all day…!” 

Of course, you do wait around all day- receiving the uniform at 8pm and then your evening is spent waiting for the uniform to finish its wash/tumble cycle and you don’t rest until you know said uniform is clean, dry and freshly hung up ready for the new week ahead. All the while cursing yourself for not being more forward thinking and washing everything on friday night.

As an adult, for me, the BEST about Sundays? 

The early night… peace and quiet from 7pm onwards…

Rock N Roll… 

3 days longer…

I am still learning. 

Having one more body – all be it a small one – in our house means, One more teeny tiny person who needs my attention. This means that EVERYTHING I want/need to do takes twice as long as it did before.

Getting dressed – pulling on the nearest item that doesnt have spit-up on it…

Showering – everyday…yeah right. Alone…forget it! 

Meal times – cold mush… usually cut up into 20 tiny pieces so I can feed Little A and ‘oversee’ Boo’s I-can-do-it-myself mealtimes whilst feed myself…

Bedtime – *touch wood* this has roughly stayed the same with Boo…for me though this is a sore subject…we currently don’t have one…

Work – this definately takes twice as long! It even takes twice as long just to switch on my brain let alone get any work actually done!

Leaving the house – why does that take so bloody long…!?! 10 minutes… 10-bloody-minutes this takes me now… I did however learn VERY quickly to strap Boo in first – then Little A. She has legs and knows how to use them!! When it comes to getting in the car she darts off around the car at a speed Usain Bolt would be proud of!! 

EVERYTHING takes forward thinking and planning, and needs to be timed around feeding – nappies and nap times… *Oh My!*

Payroll is a hefty – brain knackering – time consuming process that usually takes me the best part of one day to complete. 

Spreadsheet after spreadsheet of rotas and pound signs. Fun if you like that kind of stuff *which I do*  but it’s definately not something that can be done with 2 little people in tow. 

This month. The whole payroll process has taken me 4 days! 4 DAYS

This includes; ditching the little people with Daddy and various other people, taking my work to bed (who said romance was dead!) And getting up BEFORE the kids…

It still took me 4 days. 

*Bye Bye Babies* 

1. Q.T with Daddy.

2. Brain Ache.

3. Multi-tasking.

Next month I will have to start a week earlier than usual and I might get it completed by deadline. 

Thats the plan anyway. πŸ™ˆ

Epic Fail…

In an effort not to make Boo feel left out or ‘pushed aside’ since Little A’s arrival – I try wherever possible to include her in things with him so the green eyed monster doesnt rear its ugly head. 

Boo isn’t clingy to me and I wouldn’t class her as a ‘mummy’s girl’ so I wasn’t particularly worried about her getting jealous over Little A. However, I do find sometimes when I am feeding, she finds something super important that she needs me to get for her or something she wants to do with me. And only me. πŸ€” So now when feeding time comes, I make sure she has access to my free side and can sit next to me and snuggle in with us. We usually watch a film together whilst I feed. She can then see what I am doing and feels more included. This ‘strategy’ has been working and I find after 5 or 10 minutes the ‘fear’  (if you can call it that) disappears and she gets bored of us and toddles off to play.

Today was slightly different. 

Feeding time around 1pm. I get myself and Little A set up and ‘latched-on’ then invite Boo to join us. She wanders on over, sits next to me and hands me the remote. I put my free arm around her, cuddle her in and put on Ice Age – this weeks film of choice. Little A is happily feeding away and Boo is sitting nice and quietly.  Me- having seen this film millions of times my mind takes a vacation. 

About 10 minutes have passed when I feel Boos face gently fall forwards and rest on Arthurs leg. 

He doesnt seem bothered by this so I leave them to it… 

Another 5 minutes pass and I hear snoring coming from not one but BOTH children. 

*Apologies for the crazied expression and bad hair* 

At this point I realise that not only are both kids asleep but that the remote is completely out of reach. 😐 Hubby is not answering his phone and I am stuck. 😐Watching Ice Age. 😐 Again. 😐

Be aware. We started this film from the beginning…at the point I realised I was stuck – Manny and Diego were fighting over who was going to return the baby to the humans… (aka. RIGHT AT THE BEGINNING) 

The kids slept through the whole thing. 

Epic Fail. 

Text Book ‘New Mum’

Monday.

First day back at school after the Easter Break. (And what a lovely one it was to…) 

Little A’s first time on the school run -outside my womb of course- 

It went a little something like this…

After spending the morning working and tag-teaming Boo and Little A with Hubby, I very quickly found that the hours in my day were disappearing. Before I knew it, it was 12 noon and I was still in my PJ’s.(which Yes, I had done the morning school run in – but was under strict instruction from Lou not to get out of the car)  

Boo and Little A were both clean and dressed with clean teeth and brushed hair so it hadn’t been a complete fail – it was only me that looked homeless. I quickly came to the conclusion, in order for me to make the most of Boo’s nap time – which is now no longer than an hour tops! – I had to do the bank run in my PJ’s.

‘The bank run’ – this is never just a quick nip to ‘the bank’ and quite typically became – the bank, Natwest AND Barclays- Specsavers – The Post Office and the local Hardware store. All in my PJ’s… great. πŸ–’πŸ™ˆ

Luckily enough most of the people I saw out were either mums like myself who saw the newborn strapped to my front and gave me the knowing nod – or were little old ladies who were so distracted by the newborn, they didnt notice the PJ’s – unwashed hair and lack of human wit. 

Naturally – I digress.

So, after my lunchtime ‘Bank run’ PJ outing was over, I return home at 2pm. 2pm! The school run for me starts at 2.30 – my day and bleak plans for a cheeky nap had stuck their V’s up at me as they danced off into the sunset.

All I had time for was to feed Little A and Boo – whilst grabbing a sandwich for myself. 

2.30 comes and we are all fed πŸ‘but I realise I am STILL in my PJ’s πŸ‘Ž. Lucky for me I get a text from Lou saying she’s walking home with mates, which now gives me a 30 mins ‘free’ window of time before I leave for school no. 2 to collect Oona. 

SHOWER TIME! 

Heaven – this un-expected ‘free’ window of time means I can have a shower and get dressed. 

Can it be noted : I was fully prepared to do the 2nd school run of the day in my PJ’s.

The shower was amazing- the clothes were clean. I resembled someone slightly normal. I resembled someone who has got. this. shit. down. 😁 I was working the ‘new mum’ look – (the ‘good one’ not the ‘homeless one’… )

3pm comes – time to go. 

Boo’s coat and shoes are on – she has a clean bum and is in her buggy. Little A is fed and watered with a clean bum and is also already to go… I strap him to my front. My nice, clean, freshly showered front and what does he do…? 

He Throws Up. 

All over me.

All down my nice, clean, freshly showered front. 

Nice warm baby sick- in my clevage- running down my belly and settling in my belly button. 

Lovely. 😐

Of course, as the good lord would have it I am now against the clock and don’t have time to change. So have to do the entire school run covered in sick. *Epic Fail*

So to all those doting mums at the school gate this afternoon- who came over to ‘coo’ at my handsome little man and congratulate me on my perfect little bundle of joy. I apologise.

I apologise if we smelt alittle – off.

We nearly had it down. 

Very nearly… x

Pop!

My son has been in this world a little over 2 weeks now and I’m not in any rush to get back to ‘pre-pregnancy’ weight or shape – this may well be the last time I’m post baby ‘squidgey’ and so I’m going to enjoy it… (and to be even more honest – the lack of sleep combined with chaising after a 2 year old all day leaves me reaching for the Chocolate Easter Eggs even before my morning cup of tea). As many of you who know me know, I’m a stingey maternity shopper and now as a result have next to nothing that fits me in my wardrobe. 

So- with my ever shrinking stomach and ever growing ‘chesticles’ (Wahoo!) I decided I would try and see what the situation was with regards to clothes…old and new… 

What I am certain of is my pregnacy clothes are all now to big…

I wonder…

I dig out my pre-pregnancy jeans from under my bed (where they have been stashed away hidden from view since I was around 6 months pregnant). 

They’re on… up past my calves. 😊 Abit of a wiggle and they are up around my waist…granted they look painted on but they are up. πŸ˜ƒ

Im chuffed! 😁

Until Hubby points out that it would probably be frowned upon for me to wander around the pub with my trousers very obviously open and my knickers on show for the world to see…

So I try. 

I breath in. I wiggle. ALOT.  I lay on the bed. I jump up and down. I lean back…not sure why but it works. 
THE JEANS ARE DONE UP! 😊

I feel on top of the world! 😁😁

Its a massive ‘screw you’ (πŸ–•) to the baby blues I’ve been having of late. 

I’m dancing around the kitchen- *High Fiving* πŸ‘ everyone and anyone who comes in my path! 

I’m boogying…I’m wiggling…I’m strutting my stuff past Hubby, giving him the ‘look-how-sexy-your-wife-is’ look, when Pop

I’m not kidding P-O-P.

😣 Mortified. 😣

The zip AND button bust. 

Honestly, I couldnt believe it! What cruel world do we live in where I’m in my jeans- they’re up-they’re closed. Then it gives way- my gut, muffin top and back fat break free! Prison Break aint got nothing on my gut right now

That sound and image of looking down and seeing it all hanging back out – will stay with me forever. Honestly.

But Hey Ho! I’m only 2 1/2 weeks post labour and not in any rush. It just means I’ll have to spend a few more weeks in tracksuit bottoms looking slightly homeless… 

Deep joy. πŸ–’

(On the plus side…look how adorable my little man is…) 

So this happened…

Hi guys! 

Sorry I disappeared the last few weeks…

I find the last few weeks of pregnancy rather difficult – esp. Being surrounded by so many people (its a blessing and a curse) so rather than blogs coming from a moaning miserable pregnant woman I thought it best to give you a rest…

However, 8 days ago my handsome baby boy FINALLY greeted us with his presence -only 9 days later than planned. 

He was well behaved though and ‘shot out’ relatively quickly and with NO stitches 😊 *high five little man*. 

I was a total warrior and delivered only using Gas and Air. 😊

 *if there is a time to blow my own trumpet- this is it!!*

Daddy and Big One are chuffed to ribbons with our new addition – Hubby is enjoying the fact he’s not quite so out numbered in the household and Big Sissy is glad she wont have another grubby little pair of hands stealing her make-up brushes *although there’s no guarantees*

Boo isn’t overly fazed by the new arrival- every now and again she’ll peer over the side of the moses basket just to ‘check out the situation’. But to her he’s just another dolly…One that crys. And poops. 

Anyway- spoken like a true ‘new mum’ – I am completely in love. My heart has grown in ways I didnt know possible and even though I am still getting used to the ‘sprinkler system’ (have been caught off guard by that bad boy, a few times already this week) I have already forgotten all the shitty-miserable-pregnancy stuff and will jump on the wagon and say ‘ it is 100% worth it’…

SO…Ladies and Gents- without any further comment from me…

I’d like to introduce to you Arthur Edward Betts… 

Join me…as I adapt to a life with a Big One, a Boo and a Little A… 

Wish me luck!! 

πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’™

You jump- I jump… said the dog to toddler…πŸ™ˆ

Wednesday. 

10am. 

Usual morning routine is ticking over quite nicely – Boo has eaten her breakfast- Big One was up and rather sprightly after a few days of feeling ropey and got to school on time. 

Hubby bailed on the gym this morning but ensured me he would keep an eye on the little One whilst I did the tills and set up the paperwork for the day. 

Hubby took Little One outside to play on the climbing frame…the dog followed.

It was lovely – very 1970’s ‘perfect T.V’ family. 

Wait for it. 

All was quiet on the ‘western front’ until Hubby came in, child in arms saying… ‘Oopsey…Mummy’

What followed was unbelievable!! *Not in a good way*

The long and short of what happened was this. They were playing nicely on the climbing frame…the dog was snooping around the garden doing her ‘thang’- when she found some fox poo. Being the gorgeous dog she is, she started to roll in it… 

Phase One- the dog STINK’S.  Have you ever smelt fox poo? Wet fox poo? It’s enough to make anyone’s stomach churn. 

Little One- being hopelessly devoted to the dog, followed suit. Started rolling. With the dog. In the fox poo.

Phase Two- the dog and the child STINK.

I could not believe it! 

Up to the bath we go, stripping off Little One as we go WHILST trying to keep the dog from jumping on the sofa/bed/any clean surface. 

Child goes in the bath- dog is contained between 2 stair gates. 

Phase Three- Child is clean. Dog still stinks. 

Fresh nappy and clean pj top thrown on Little One – cleaning the dog was the next on the list before getting Little One actually dressed. 

Dog is next in line for the bath- Much to her disgust!

Phase Four – Child and Dog both fresh and clean! 😁 Yay!

You think that would be the end of my dramas for the day.

Wrong.

Whilst I am bathing the dog, we realise Little One is being awfully quiet… poking my head out of the bathroom I see her face down in a pot of Sudocream!

The child is trying to give me a breakdown, I swear!! 

Back in the bath she goes! πŸ™ˆ

Those gorgeous WHITE specks on my BLACK carpet. Are LUMPS of Sudocream. – *yes even that MASSIVE one* 

😒😒

Phase Five- Child clean after bath No. 2, Dog clean, Carpet RUINED!

Are you aware that Sudocream does NOT come out of ANYTHING. 😒

35-god-damn-minutes, I am on all fours scrubbing my carpet- all the while doubling up as a HORSE with ‘blessed child’ on my back. 

Never a dull moment! 

πŸ™ˆπŸ™ˆ

Dinner…

Sometimes one fork just isn’t enough…

The joys of teaching a 22 month old how to feed herself…properly. Only problem I have is- my 22 month old has skipped a few years and is ALREADY behaving like a teenager and think she knows better… so now the only way we eat dinner is like this… 

Oh yes my friends… Two forks! 

The entire meals… TWO forks. And with every mouthful she repeated…One…Two!

Silently mocking me… One…Two…One..Two… 

Bless. 

The Bump fold/Chest divide line – thing…😷

Today my youngest sister Oona had an inset day from school- with everyone else working and me basically sat on my arse doing bugger all apart from baking a baby πŸ˜‚πŸ˜πŸ˜‚ – she came to me with her friend for the afternoon. 

There is nothing Boo loves more than being pampered and fussed over by her Aunty Oona πŸ’˜ 

It got to about 3pm and with Boo being in good spirits this morning, I didnt think much into why I had to wake her from her nap when she usually wakes herself after an hour or two. Nor did I pay much attention to her neck feeling slightly warm- we’ve all been suffering from colds and flu lately so the average bodily temperature in our house is higher than normal anyway. We just got on with it.

Once she was up and with it we got ready for a trip to the park… 

Happily toddling down the road, she followed when the girls took her into the park, played on the swings and down the slide. She loved every minute of it.

After about 20 minutes Little One all of a sudden went quiet . The girls went off to play on the ‘bigger kids’ play equipment and so I sat on the swing with Boo and gave her cuddles whilst we watched the big girls play. 

Before I knew it, shes throwing up big chunks of banana sick all over me- all over herself- all over the swing and all over the floor. 😷 *God*

Everyone in the park stopped what they were doing looked and stared at us.. Don’t f*ck*ng stare at me – HELP ME! 

Luckily, the girls were brilliant they ran to the local shop – got a packet of wet wipes and we quickly cleaned up Boo – the surrounding swings and shot home smelling of banana sick *of all things* .

So, That was the end of the park trip but not the end of the sick episode *unfortunately*

We got through the front door of the pub and she started being sick again. So to save her chunky, smelly, banana sick going everywhere I turned her into me so she was sick on me. *genius* 😞

And When I say on me. I mean. On. Me

All down the front of my top- in my top- between my cleavage – Over my stomach and even between my chest and the fold of my bump. 

I didn’t even realise I had a bump fold/chest divide – line thing until I was picking lumps of sick out of it!! 😷 It was gross 😷 

My only thought was to get her in the bath – an empty bath *I don’t know why* Running upstairs, Boo in arms-we jump into the empty bath – fully clothed – shoes and all. Where she continued to empty her stomach, all over us both.

Its a bizarre feeling when one of your children is being poorly- you are torn in two. 

Half of you- the ‘Mumma’ half, wants to hold your little one close. Take away the pain. Comfort them. 

The other half – the ‘Regular Human Being’ half wants to keep them at arms length so you don’t get covered in Banana Vom! And spends the entire time silently gagging at the smelly mess of child infront of you. 

She’s just fallen asleep on me after being sick a further 4 times so I’m off to bed now. I fear I have a potentially messy night ahead of me. 

*Wish me luck*